Shrek V Ronald McDonald: Dawn Of Memes
by secretlyimobviouslydyinginside
Summary: *Tips fedora*


Shrek sat at his desk in his large office at the top of the Onion Co office. He sorted through papers while the sun blazed through the gigantic window behind him. He put his enormous green hands on his head and stared at the piece of paper on his desk. It was a sales report for the amount of onions sold within the past year and it didn't show what Shrek wanted to see. A decline in onion sales…

Suddenly Shrek's phone rang. He reached into the inner pocket of his suit and pulled out an iOnion phone. "Yes? What is it Laddie?" said Shrek, as he loosened his tie. "Oh… Ok… send him up." Shrek slowly placed his phone on his desk and sobbed.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in…" Shrek reluctantly said. The door creaked open and Ronald McDonald walked in. "Oh, Shrek! There you are!" He exclaimed and walked into the room "What's up with you? Huh? You don't sound like your usual ogre-enthusiastic self."

"Oh it's nothing boss," Shrek said with a quiver "It's just the divorce with Fiona and all. Ha…"

Shrek was sweating. Ronald reached into his ass and pulled out a McDonalds chair, placed It on the ground so that the back of it was facing Shrek and sat on it so that he was facing the fearful Ogre. "Come on Shrek, it's me your Friend!" Ronald slowly began to tilt his head while still smiling "I can tell when you are lying!"

"What?" Shrek said in a guilty way, his meaty hands where clasped "I'm not lying boss! What makes you think that?"

"I've seen the reports Shrek," Ronald's smile was gone "and I'm not happy with you…"

Shrek froze, sweat ran down his face. He gulped. Ronald got up and walked over to Shrek before placing his hand of the green gorilla's shoulder. "you know why I hired you right?" Said Ronald with a stern look in his eyes.

"T… to supply onions for… for McDonalds Burgers laddie, Uh no I mean sir…" Shrek stuttered.

"Good, good now why is it that your onions aren't doing so well?" Ronald had moved from Shrek to the window and was looking out over the city.

"I don't know sir."

Ronald turned around "I'll tell you why," he walked over to Shrek's desk and slammed his fist down "nobody wants onions pulled out of ogre feces!"

"But sir, that's how it's always been done and…" Shrek was cut off

"I don't care! All I care about is the profit! We sell to humans as well as the shit head Ogres too you know boy!"

"I… I'm sorry boss, I'll change the way we make them! I swear!" Shrek dropped to his knees and pleaded.

"You're fired" said Ronald, he was facing away from the ogre's stare. Everyone knows it is impossibly cute.

"What? But I…"

"I SAID YOU ARE FIRED" Yelled Ronald as his anger exploded.

Shrek stood up and headed towards the door. "You know Shrek," said Ronald "I never liked your movies". Shrek's fist clamped shut. "I also never really liked your promotional McDonalds toys either" Ronald continued. Shrek began to snarl. "Oh and another thing, Fiona is great in bed isn't she?" Said Ronald with a menacing smile. Shrek snapped…

With a mighty roar, the ogre lunged at the clown with such a force that they flew out of the window and began to fall. Shrek began to pummel Ronald with all his might as they fell, but Ronald fought back and was able to kick Shrek's green love sack. The Ogre yelled in pain as he grabbed his aching balls. They landed with a crunch on top of Ronald's clown business car.

Shrek got up and shook his head. He picked up the unconscientious clown by the throat and raised his other hand in a fist before reeling back and punching Ronald with all his might. After several minutes of punching Shrek dropped the clown onto the pavement. He looked at his hand, it was a bloody mess. His sausage like fingers were mashed and bits of bone where left exposed. "Och, that's not good." exclaimed Shrek.

Before he could react Ronald drop kicked Shrek into a passing truck, he went straight through it with ease and began to fly through several more buildings and vehicles before stopping near an airport. Ronald super jumped towards where he believed the ogre had stopped and landed in the most perfect superhero landing you could ever see.

Shrek lay in the runway moaning and groaning, in a puddle of his own onion scented blood. Ronald approached him, pulled a plastic knife out of his ass and grabbed the ogre by his collar.

"Any last words you bald bastard?" Said Ronald through his broken teeth.

"Fuck… You…" Said Shrek who was out of breath.

Ronald raised his knife but before he could bring it down, Shrek spat one of his teeth out and it hit Ronald right in his eye. Ronald screamed and dropped the knife to clasp his eye. Shrek took advantage of the situation and got up grabbed the knife and stabbed Ronald in his lung. Ronald gasped and began to strangle Shrek and pinned him to the ground. Shrek's mighty green face turned a pale blue as he tried to pull Ronald off himself. Eventually Shrek gave up and stopped moving…

Ronald got up and whipped his mouth, spat at the Ogre's corpse and began to walk away. "Stupid Ogre… he's such an outdated meme." Suddenly Ronald stopped walking, he opened his mouth and gargled blood. Shrek's sausage hands where through his chest. "It's all ogre now laddie" Shrek whispered in Ronald's ear before biting it off. Shrek then used all of his remaining might to pull Ronald apart in a shower of blood and gore. Shrek laughed as Ronald's fat covered heart landed in front of him and exploded on impact, but laugh slowly turned into a cough and he didn't stop coughing until he was on the floor convulsing blood. It was a long death for Shrek but for him he felt it was worth it…


End file.
